Friday, December 13, 2013

Satire: How to solve ODI bowling woes?

Bruised, Battered, Hammered and completely @#*&*%@ (word censored by Indian Cricket Committee after their review of this post).

Dhoni made an interesting comment after the seven match ODI series against Australia at home. He talked about teams easily chasing scores in excess of 350 and that 350s have become what 300s were few years back - a competitive total. Honestly, I don't think that's true. Just a look at the bowling line-up of the two competing teams (India - Australia then and India - South Africa now) suggest that there was no one threatening among Indians bowlers. India's supposed spearhead had their tail between his legs. Carom ball became just another ball. Yorkers became non-existent - and sometimes dispatched for sixes. India-Australia ODI series became an extended version of Hong-Kong super sixes tournament. And new ODI rules aren't helping the bowlers either!

If this trend goes on, it won't be long before the entire bowling community becomes extinct. And that's where this post comes in. The National Cricket Board, after a long discussion - almost 15 minutes - have come up with a solution. A solution that will completely eliminate this current crisis.

Solution: If bowlers are having problems, remove them entirely from Cricket. Since technology is making everything redundant, bowlers will be replaced by bowling machines used during training. This is how it will work out -

Why? Spectators want to see fours and sixes - lets give it to them! Conduct a batting academy to prepare the team for 2015 World Cup. Board will have a team of 15 top batsmen and no bowlers. Moreover, machines have been in training for long. Its time to utilize all their training experience during the match.

What about other boards? Indian board will request (Read: Force) boards of other countries to follow the same. Based on past interactions, requesting the other boards will only elicit positive response.

What will happen to popular pace academy? It will now be utilized as a bowling machine manufacturing unit.

How to generate revenue? Rent out the surface of the bowling machine to marketers. Bowlers are financial liabilities. Machines will be financial assets, injury free and without long hair. Board will have to shell out one-time cost to buy the machine and some standard maintenance charges. This will be less compared to the salaries paid out to multiple bowlers. Also, for maximizing ad revenue, have 2 machines instead of one. Through this solution, board will be converting liabilities into assets - dream of any business entity.

Who will manage the bowling machine? The obvious choice will be the captain. However, the captain can decide to delegate the responsibility to any of his fielders.

If at all there is a right time to introduce such a novel concept, it is NOW! Bowlers are not at their best and the innovations in batting and new cricket rules aren't helping either. Maybe this innovation in bowling can nip the issue right in the bud!

PS: This is a satire. And satire (I hope), it will remain.


  1. enjoy the festive season ahead..
    may you have a grace-filled Christmas and Happy New Year


All yours..

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