Satire: What not to do on your first US trip?

Ok, first things first. This is a satire. Please do not take this post seriously. Or should I say, take it with a pinch of salt. No wait, that's too much BP. Take it with a scoop of yogurt instead!

This is my first US trip. It's been 10 weeks in US now. I am not sure for how long will it last. But I am taking my time to experience it all in my own little way. And hey, life keeps on teaching you lessons every single day and I have learnt a lot of unwanted (and some wanted) lessons in the past few weeks. Thanks to these lessons and their repercussions, it took me time to (re)start the blogging part of my life in US. 

Image courtesy - http://gfx9.com/

What should I do with these lessons? Share, of course. So here are some of the unwanted lessons. Read and let me know if you have experienced some of these or if you think a lot more can be added here -

1. Delete the song "Yeh Jo Des Hai Tera" (movie Swades) from your playlist - No seriously, delete it. Personally, I loved the song a lot. I still do. It is one of AR Rahman's classic. The lyrics, the music and the voice - they elevate you to a totally different level. I have it as part of my playlist. Just days after reaching US, I was listening to songs on my smartphone. I had kept the song selection as random, which means any song will be selected at random. As luck would have it, this song played. The bad part is, I started listening to this song from a different perspective now. But then I realized, Javed Akhtar is a genius. He left a loophole in the song. You see, the song goes on to say - "sab toh pa liya, ab hai kya kami". That's the loophole we need to exploit. After all, when did we achieve everything? There's still more to achieve right? Still, to be on the safer side, delete this song for now. You won't regret it. Also, for some reason not known to me, I had "Kiska hai yeh tumko intezaar, main hoon na" song from the movie "Main Hoon Na". It has a sad version too, which is very sad. Delete that song too. Trust me.
2. Do not bring too much Indian stuff. They already have it here! Especially, if you have a project in NY / NJ, you will not only meet a lot of Indians every day, you will also end up buying groceries and other stuff (Indian) from Indian stores. Some of these grocery stores also play Indian music (talk of ambiance!). I brought a lot of stuff (including pressure cooker, frying pan, plates etc) assuming I needed these the most since I will be able to buy other stuff from US. It turns out, my hotel was in a street unofficially named as the "Indian Street". Ohh don't laugh, there's more - the closest shop to my hotel was a "pan-wala" shop! I must admit, I had my doubts about reaching US especially after having a 16 hour long flight. But the hotel selection and the location was just my luck (Good / Bad - you decide). The bottom-line is - bring only those stuff that you need. Rest all are available here.
3. While in US, left is not right - right is right. Adjusting to this rule will take a lot of your time. Even while walking. Suppose you are walking down the road and someone is walking in the opposite direction. In India, as per norm, you are supposed to 'keep left' so that you don't collide with the other person. In US, it's all right. Keep right is the norm here. While driving, right side of the road is your lane (unless it's one-way). I have had moments where, when you walk, you inadvertently keep left and the other person coming towards you keep right. If not for the last second corrections we Mumbaikars learnt from Mumbai's own education system, I would have invited trouble.
4. You can stand on escalators. You can walk on escalators at the same time - Yes, that's true. In India, especially in the metros, we are always busy and it shows in the way we walk / brisk walk / run. When you are overtaking someone on the stairs, you unknowingly (most of the times) bump your shoulder onto your fellow traveller. This incident is irritating for both. Some of us apologize and move on. Most just move on. Many countries, including US, have a solution for this. They have a clear path for people always on the hurry (left side of the escalator) while people who want to enjoy their moment in the escalator, can stay on the right side.  Philosophically, everyone reaches their destination; some just decide to rush.

Well, these are some of the lessons I learnt while in US. I am learning more with every passing day. Will share them too in due course of time. By the way, did I miss out on anything?

Satire: Guess what's mightier than a Pen?

I am sure we have heard the age old proverb - "Pen is mightier than Sword". Which is to mean a non-violent approach to solving a problem is more beneficial than a violent one. It's a very useful and relevant proverb since time immemorial. Until recently in India, that is.

We Indians have adopted a "novel" and "cost-conscious" approach to take law into our own hands (quite literally). Once upon a time, there used to be something known as Ink. Some intellectuals used long leaflets, dipped the tip of the leaflet into ink-pots and write intellectual stuff that found its way into our School syllabus and we cleared those subjects by mugging the words rather than the thoughts. Since nature missed a trick to store ink in leaflets, humans made ink-pens, which is nothing more than a leaflet type object with ability to store ink. Then someone disrupted this industry - ball-point pens. This was followed by computers where the ink is stored only in the cartridge of the printers! We don't need to use ink to write - just type some stuff and take a print-out!

All this is considered legal and market driven. What's not considered market driven is the below -

Who's responsible for this? These incidents can only be termed as frustration pouring out through ink. Not the frustration of the people who threw ink, but for the people who manufacture ink for a living. Consider this - ink manufacturers are after all - aam aadmi. They need to survive. The technology age has forced their product to enter "decline" stage in the product life cycle. They need to extract the maximum possible juice from their product before being extinct. Now-a-days, many people are maintaining online diaries. Newspaper firms have e-paper as an alternate product just to be in business when newspapers become extinct. So how in this beautiful world can ink manufacturers survive? Where will their next million come from?

Strategy and how it works - Politicians are not missing an opportunity to lower opponents from the proverbial ladder of success. One of the way is to embarrass their opponents at every option given to them. Throwing shoes is one way (they smartly throw one shoe so that the victim doesn't have an option to wear them). Another way is to throw something that can darken the face temporarily and that's where ink comes into picture. News hungry cameras will catch the action live and it will be shown in ultra-slow motion (same technology used in Cricket) with hours of needless analysis thrown in. Ink manufacturers meanwhile get all this promotion for FREE! That's right, everything happens free of cost and the actions encourage potential buyers. A new market in the making. Marketing is, after all, finding a hole in the marker provided there's a market in the hole. Isn't that just brilliant?

There was an era when swords were considered powerful. Then the writers made pen mightier. Who would have ever thought that ink would be the mightiest of them all and that too, in this digital era!