My Mom and I

*************** Start of Conversation ***************

Dad: It’s a Saturday. What’s your plan for today?

Daughter: Mom’s gone to work. I think we can go to the garden and you can help me enjoy the rides. Wish Mom was also free on Saturdays.

Dad: People have different timings dear. I work from Monday to Friday. Mom works from Monday to Saturday. I don’t have month-long vacations. Mom has month-long vacations. I have different problems at work, mom has her own problems.

Daughter: I know about your problems, dad. But mom also has work related problems? I have never seen her under stress.

Dad: Yes she has. She travels for more than an hour to reach her workplace. She travels in Mumbai local trains. She has to prepare a lot prior to reaching her workplace. 

Daughter: I didn’t know all this. Dad, I think we should talk about it today. We’ll go to garden in the evening once mom comes back. Let’s discuss this now.

Dad: Ok. But tell me one thing. Why do you feel mom doesn’t have work pressure?

Daughter: She never shows it. She gets up in the morning and wakes me up in the sweetest way possible. I know I am a little fussy when I get up, I seek attention. But all I am yearning for is moms love and affection when I wake up. Then she takes care of my morning chores. While you play with me in the morning, she prepares breakfast for both of us and happily places it on the table. While we are busy eating / drinking, she gets ready for work. She sees you off and then plays with me for a while. She keeps me busy with something and quietly leaves for work, so that I don't notice and cry about it.

Dad: Wow. Interesting observation, I must say.

Daughter: Even when she comes back home in the evening, she shows no sign of tiredness. She brings lollipop for me, plays with me and we happily watch television for a while. In sharp contrast, when you return home, you seem tired. You play with me for a while and then go back to the room to change and rest. Then you and mom switch roles and you play with me while mom relaxes. But all through this, she never appears tired. This made me feel that you have work pressures but mom doesn’t.

Dad: Moms are wonderful, dear. Your Grand-mom sacrificed a lot to see me doing well in life. You mom is doing the same with you.

Daughter: I agree.

Dad: I look stressed or tired probably because I feel my primary role is to protect the family – financially and otherwise, today and tomorrow. That’s what is always present in my mind. And maybe, guys are made this way. It’s difficult for a man to look happy when there’s pressure from various avenues. Maybe we are hard-wired.

Daughter: Dad, but I think you take a lot of tension. You work hard every day and the money you earn goes into the investments you have made for me, which is great. But by doing so, you are always under stress. For instance, look at all the grey hair you have. I think you need to do what I do when I have a problem.

Dad: And what’s that?

Daughter: Go to a specialist! Like when I need something, food to eat or to apply lipstick / makeup or if I hurt myself while playing, I go to mom. I don’t know how she does it, but her presence makes me forget the pain. Football makes you forget your stress, so football is a specialist for you. Grey hair is now a problem for you, I suggest you blacken your hair. Why even make it black? Try some different shades, why not go to a specialist in this field to solve it?

Dad: OK. I take your point. 

Daughter: OK. But today’s discussion is about mom. I want to know how she hides her stress from me.

Dad: That’s because moms are selfless human-beings. In a world where every person you meet outside is selfish, here’s a lady who will go out of her way to ensure you are content and happy. You will surely realize the secret when you reach that stage.

Daughter: Now, we are taking this discussion out of scope. Its about my mom, not me being a mom some day! Let’s give it 2-3 decades from now. Garden, shall we?

Dad: Yeah sure, my princess!

*************** End of Conversation ***************

This is what I think my daughter (who is 2 years and 6 months old) will say when she starts understanding the sacrifices every mom goes through, to raise a child. These are exactly the same thoughts I have of my mom too. And I am sure many of the readers will agree. Moms are special. I don’t think there will be one special instance that stands out. Every single instance with my mom stands out, like it does for my daughter. 

They say God is omnipresent. I agree. But I also feel Mothers have a huge part to play in this.

How Salman Khan’s verdict has polarized India?

Here’s a summary of what’s happening around the word – four athletes from Kerala tried to commit suicide of which 1 has died and 3 critical, GST has been passed in the Lok Sabha, Land acquisition bill has being tabled again in Lok Sabha, Nepal has moved towards rehabilitating their people, Indian political parties are playing politics over Dawood Ibrahim, Pakistan claims Dawood is not in Pakistan, Britain elections happened, Rahul Gandhi has joined twitter, Kumar Vishwas is still in news for all the wrong reasons, Sensex is doing a deep-dive, rupee is down to 64 and shows no sign of improvement. There’s more, but I choose not to deviate from the topic.

None of us can be blamed for missing out on the above mentioned events. Our ignorance is primarily because all of us were engrossed in #SalmanVerdict.

Who was behind the wheel anyway?

Wednesday, 6th of May, saw an emotional outburst from all the Indians living worldwide. Many of us even went on to question the judiciary, the establishment we Indians should have the utmost respect towards. Certain people tried flirting with logic and failed miserably at it. Some of them, probably people whose career Salman Khan built, pledged allegiance to the superstar by making ridiculous arguments. Indian media had a field day and probably achieved their monthly revenue targets from record viewership.

Through all this, I think we Indians have inadvertently divided ourselves into one of the below mentioned  groups. If the question is who divided us, I honestly don't know. I don't think Salman Khan has any role to play here. Indian media and some foolish people on social media surely played their part. 

In my opinion, #SalmanVerdict divided us into one of these groups – 

• Salman Khan fanatic group: These are the die-hard Salman followers. The people belonging to this group are not only fans, but are “fanatic” in the real sense. These are the people who have started blaming people sleeping on footpath for the accident. Some compared this to a train driver getting arrested due to a trespassing incident. Logic took a serious beating thanks to these people. Some even suggested that he is now a changed man and hence should not be jailed. Going by this logic, eminent saints in every religion can commit accidents that results in a death but remain safe in the eyes of the law because they have done a lot of good deeds! Going by the same logic, owner of Microsoft is free to harm people since his products (namely PowerPoint and Excel) have played a huge part in the livelihood of millions.
• Support Salman, but respect legal judgment: This is the group filled with his family, friends, well-wishers, fellow industry people and true law-abiding fans. They have given their full support to Salman Khan, but trust and respect the law of the land. They still believe that Salman has done no wrong and law will take its own course. In a way, the Friday HC decision to suspend the session court’s verdict has vindicated their stand. These are the sensible folks who know what to talk, when to talk and most importantly, when NOT to talk!
• It doesn't matter club: I don’t think there are people in Indian who don’t know who Salman Khan is. He is a superstar in India and probably that one of those few actors in India who can assure box office success. But there are millions of people in India struggling for their daily wages to keep up with growing inflation. For these people who get up every day not knowing where their next wage is going to come from, this verdict doesn’t matter to them at all. This verdict will not help increase their wage, will not improve their standards and will do nothing for all at them. Whether you and I may not agree with this, there are many who are in this group!

Did I miss out on anything? Did I misread the situation? And which club do you belong to?

News Channels – a double edged sword

Once upon a time, Indian news channels were all about sharing news. What happened anywhere around our country will be “reported” as is. It was all about sharing news information. An earthquake happened – the news will be shared with the public. A bomb blast happened – it will be shared. Some politicians arrested for some wrong doing – it will be shared. India wins the world cup – it will be shared. Through all this, the news media of those times hardly ever tried to “promote” their views to the public. They were the messengers.

Now, they are transforming into message creators, or should we say in today’s parlance, content creators.

May 3rd was the World Press Freedom day. There’s not an iota of doubt that the press (and in a larger context, news media) should be free to perform their duties. Having said that, news media must have their own ethical standards they need to adhere to, in a humane way. On this day, Nepal citizens took to Twitter and Facebook to express two things – their gratitude towards Indian government for providing selfless help and their hatred towards certain sections of Indian media by trending #GoHomeIndianMedia.

When the earthquake happened in Nepal, Indian news media were immediately on it. No problem till now since speed is one trait the news channels compete on. News channels started showing the destruction caused by the earthquake. No problem here too. News channels asked their viewers to contribute towards the cause of Nepal. Great gesture, I must say. News channels started reporting about people being rescued from the debris. No problem here since it shows the hard work put in by all concerned and the improvements happening since the disaster. News channels started shoving their mic in front of the survivors and asking them how they feel now. Ok, now you guys are teasing to cross the limits. News channels asking people, who have lost their loved ones, how they feel. News channels promoting the help and support of Indians and thereby making it a PR stunt. Guys, now you have crossed all your limits!

A popular cartoon created by @mirsuhail

To Indian News Media – I understand news reporting has changed. Corporates with big money have invested in the emerging news media hoping to make big bucks. There’s high competition for eye-balls now. Rankings matter. Ratings matter. Revenues matter. But one more thing has increased more than what it was a decade ago - and that’s responsibility. Sensationalism sells. And now we have reached a stage where we cannot go back and undo the wrongs. In this age of social media, you will receive instant support and criticism which will spread like wild-fire. So, you need to find a way to balance sensationalism with responsibility. There’s no harm in learning from the past. Perhaps, the news channels of old were more responsible than what we have now. 

To Citizens of Nepal – The loss you have gone through post the tragedy is difficult for us to even comprehend. Loss of lives and property, struggling to come to terms with the loss and braving yourselves at a long drawn recovery is, in itself, a tough ask. Our prayers and our support will always be with you throughout this recovery phase. We got a glimpse of the destruction caused by the Himalayan tragedy and the pain you endured thanks to the news channels (primarily Indian ones). Yes, there are some who cross the lines of ethical and responsible journalism. We have faced the same problems ourselves when we had to endure natural disasters (Earthquake, Floods) and man-made ones (terrorism). The sections of News media you are accusing are the ones who did the same thing to us Indians too. So, we understand the root cause of your concern. In a way, we are glad you brought it to everyone’s attention. News channels need to learn their lessons from this one and accept that they need to change. 

A change is needed here. If the news channels don’t learn from this feedback from Nepal, we viewers should take a stand ourselves. We can choose not to watch such channels, which will reduce their viewership count, which will lead to a reduction in their “rankings”, reduction in ad and sponsorship revenue and finally forcing them to change themselves. It’s a vicious circle and we can play a part too.

Different ways to interpret a statement

“We Indians love a good debate” blurts a news channel that has been promoting debates on time slots they describe as something bigger than prime time. They claim to know about cases or scandals more than the people involved in them. They claim to have copies of written emails / circulars that were supposed to remain confidential. They have reporters who travel to the nook and corner of the world to search for people who are usually absconding / left previous life to start afresh. No one knows how they do it. Logically thinking, maybe they have access to mail servers or are in touch with postmen who transfer confidential letters. Maybe they have access to smartphones of every individual with a mobile phone and track the whereabouts as and when needed. And sometimes, maybe, just maybe, they are in touch with souls or do some type of Ouija to gather information that police or investigation agencies don’t have access to. Either ways, the technology or method they use can benefit the country immensely and can fast track India to become the next super-power!

Sarcasm aside, I am not arguing with the concept or the content shown in the news show as I watch it almost every day and find their way of ‘investigative journalism’ quite interesting. What I don’t like, however, is interfering with personal issues of individuals, who happen to be popular figures in India. One such incident is happening every evening these days and is getting too personal to anybody’s liking, let alone the family. Those in support of the public debate on personal issues justify by saying that the crime happened because the victim was going to reveal something that could have had grave repercussions to some people with power and the country at large and the victim should be given complete justice. Personally, I am all for the “complete justice” argument but not at the cost of causing grief to the victim’s family. Imagine their plight! They are facing baptism by media! They are followed by media everywhere for their sound-bites. And what about their acceptance of the loss? Are we even allowing that to happen?

One way media understands / misunderstands what powerful people say to them is called “reading between the lines”. One statement is made and is interpreted in multiple ways – some more bizarre than others. Here’s one statement and how it can be (mis)interpreted in different ways – 

Statement – “I have said everything I wanted to say and I have nothing more to add”.

Interpretations – 

• He is hiding something. And that something can be a critical piece in this crime mystery.
• His statement says he said everything ‘wanted’ to say, which means there are certain things he doesn’t want to say. What could that possibly be?
• His body language was defensive, why did he avoid the media if he has done nothing wrong? There’s a chink in his armor. 
• The question asked to him was – did he commit the crime. He made a safe statement without denying the accusation.

It’s on these above (mis)interpretations that some media houses bank on (financially and content-wise) which further excites the audience, especially those who are opposing the person under media trial. It may be a discussion point for the neutrals and the audience at large, but just think about the family who are going through the trauma months after the unfortunate event. 

I repeat that I like the new form of “investigative journalism” and trial by media provided we are dealing with scandals worth crores etc. Just when it comes to personal space, we need to have a self-restraint. There’s a thin line in every event that shouldn’t be crossed and in today’s day and age, that line has faded away. 

Of Terrorism, Religion and Forced Conversions

The world around us is buzzing off late. And not all are for the right reasons. 

Sydney Café attack started it all. Customers of the café went in for their breakfast ended up running out of the café to save their lives. What we saw was absolute irony of the life we live. On one side, there was an armed man, who was out on bail for assault on his ex-wife, terrorizing the customers of the café. On the other side, police and paramedics alike were trying their best to save as much lives as possible with least amount of damage. And then, bizarrely, there were some who were more interested in taking selfies in front of the terror site! Like it or not, this is the kind of world we live in.

We thought we had seen the worst. And then we immediately changed our perception the very next day.

Peshawar attack will go down in history as one of the most brutal and dastardly terror attack. Terrorism is bad and there’s no sane justification for the actions, but targeting kids and that too in a school? More than 130 kids have died and those who remain will carry the psychological scar throughout their life! We know there is no religion in terror and this attack proves just that. Killing innocents is not promoted in any religious scripture. Misinterpreting the scripture and brain washing young folks will not lead them to salvation / a peaceful after-life. And worst of all, the terrorists are fine with the incident with absolutely no remorse. The kind of world we live in.

Terrorism has united the world. But I wonder why did we wait for such a disaster to happen?

Nearer to home, a different but significantly less important fight is going on – conversions. No wait, forced conversions. The present government is rooting for development, which is good and beneficial to the overall growth of the country. There’s another section of the ruling government who are forcing non-Hindus to convert to Hinduism. They call it “ghar-wapasi” or homecoming. It’s like a tug-of-war between the forward moving forces (development) and the backward moving ones (forced conversions and communal statements). Considering the background of the people involved in the conversion initiative and the current political scenario (elections due next year and polarization), all this makes a lot of sense. Personally, I admire what our PM is doing at the national and international level. There’s serious optimism in the country faith-wise and money-wise. We can also anticipate inflow of funds from international entities. But what’s happening o the other side of the rope is taking more precedence in the media – and for rightful reasons. Development should be inclusive, should involve all religions and states. Development should include smaller sections of the society as well with no discrimination. Unfortunately, that’s not what’s happening. The kind of world we live in.

Image background - thumbs.dreamstime.com/

Personally, I have a different take on conversions. Whether we like it or not, conversions have been happening since the dawn of time. A new religion is formed when a leader rises and shows his followers a way of life and truth. People who were initially of a different religion, “convert” to the newer one. Jews converted to Christianity. Many religions converted to Buddhism post Buddha-era. These are conversions and this will continue. What some sections from the ruling party are doing is “forced conversions” which is totally against the constitution of India. No one can “force” anyone to join their religion. What is this – a race to be the biggest religion? The beauty of India lies in her diversity, let’s not destroy it. There are statements that convey all people will be converted to Hinduism by 2021 or so. Please don’t believe such statements and spread hatred. This will simply not happen and even our own friends whose religion is Hinduism won’t allow it.

None of the above mentioned problems are linked / can be compared. Some are very serious (terrorism) and some are naive (conversions). Big and small, but problem nevertheless.

These internal problems will eventually pass. Sanity will prevail. And India will remain as a country where diversity is applauded. That’s our USP and no one will “forcefully convert” it.

Feed a child. Feed our future..

For the past few months, we Indians wake up to renewed hope. There’s a change in the political landscape that is promising a lot. But that’s how we have always been. We are excellent planners. We understand what is happening at the ground level and make laws and policies in such a way the unlawful and unjust activities are curbed and lawful activities are encouraged. 

Of the many problems, we as a country face, one of the critical ones belong to under-nutrition. According to a recent World Bank report titled “Nutrition in India”, India loses a notional figure of approximately $12 Billion in GDP by not adequately feeding a child till the age of 2 years. Don’t read too much into $12B, it’s a notional figure assuming all other economic factors remaining constant / changing based on previous years’ trend. What’s startling is that this problem is not restricted to people in the lower strata of the society. As per the report, only 7% of children born to the upper strata get adequate nutrition! Now that’s a shocking statistic. Which means the wealthiest lot feed their child a lot of stuff which are not necessarily nutritious.

The problem I have mentioned above is of gigantic proportion which needs continuous focus from the government at the centre and state level and will need a long term plan. It needs meticulous planning which I am sure we will do. It will also involve executing the plan right at the grass-root level including compulsory education to new parents about what foods to give at what age and the frequency etc. What I will touch upon, in this post, is a problem within a problem – feeding school going children thereby feeding our future. Children need to study, they need to be educated for India to enter into an even better future. The child can be from a poor household or from a wealthy family, they all need education. Basic access to meal should hardly be a barrier between their present and a fulfilling future!

Here’s how I feel we need to plan and execute this initiative –

Detailed Explanation - 

• Make one meal compulsory in Schools – irrespective of the school type (Government / semi private / private / ICSE / CBSE etc.). I understand prima facie it appears illogical. But hear me out. As I mentioned that under-nutrition is not the problem of the lower income group, its spread across the classes. Making lunch or a meal compulsory will ensure the next generation will be accessible to nutritious food.
• Government to detail the quality processes that should be followed by shortlisted food vendors. Government can seek help from quality nutritionists to chalk out the adequate level of vitamins, minerals in every meal and how vegetable / food to serve to achieve the nutritional level.
• Schools to have a separate team for meal management. This team will be responsible for shortlisting vendors, having a daily plan for food quality testing before arranging lunch for children. One way to do this is to ensure that one point of contact from the vendor is allowed to eat along with the children. We have had cases where lizards / rodents were found in food that led to food poisoning among children. This is one way it can be prevented to a larger extent. I know it’s weird, but can be effective in the long run.
• Independent auditors to be appointed by state government and will be fully equipped to visit any schools during the meal hours to inspect the quality of food along with how the whole activity is being managed. Any incident should be reported immediately in an online portal and strict action to be taken against the school, who in turn, can penalize / replace the vendor. 
• Monthly check-ups for school children. This can be clubbed along with the Physical Training (PT) sessions. This will cover the basic checks along with comparison of growth over last few months.

Some of these are already happening in our country, but execution needs to happen at a national level where all schools are part of it. Government’s digital initiative can also help track this initiative and provide adequate support as and when needed.

Who will pay for such an initiative? This is where PPP (Public Private Partnership) can play a significant role. For Government schools, it can be a tie-up between government and NGO’s. For private schools, it can be part of the Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) and not a penny from parents. I understand that the cost incurred will be significant. Private schools can also take the assistance from NGOs or other social groups. Corporates can also fund / adopt a school in their vicinity as part of their CSR. Government can appraise such corporates / schools by allowing the CSR cost as non-taxable which will encourage more participation. 

This is just my opinion. This plan may be error-prone, but subtle changes can be worked out to reduce those errors. The nuances can then be ironed out at the grass-root level. Gigantic proportion of the problem notwithstanding, I honestly feel it’s not too difficult to fight this problem. All we need is proper leadership and direction at the top and executing this to the “T” right at the school level.

This post is part of my Bloggers Social Responsibility. I will #BlogToFeedAChild with Akshaya Patra and BlogAdda.

As India wakes up on 16th May 2014..

Welcome to the most awaited day of the year! Oh no, it’s not an India-Pakistan match. Nor is there any IPL match today (IPL doesn't matter if you are a Mumbai / Delhi fan anyway). It’s not the day of your appraisals / promotions. In fact, it’s much more than that. More than 6 months of campaigning throughout the country has brought us to this day. A day that will decide who rules for the next 5 years (or possibly more). A day that will decide if we will move forward or remain still or worse, move backward as far as growth is concerned. A certain interview question will have a lot of significance and a lot of confusing answers on this day – “Where do you see yourself 5 years down the line?”

Your decision and the press of a button is all its needed

Its Election Results day! Just a note – this post is irrespective of who forms the government – NDA / UPA / AAP / Third Front. Whoever comes to power, it will still be a new Government. Even if UPA somehow manages to spring a surprise, I feel they will start afresh and with young potential leaders. For non UPA, it’s anyways a new beginning. So, will it be “abki baar Modi Sarkar” or “Har haath Shakti, har haath tarakki” riding by the end of the day? Or will it be Delhi assembly elections 2013 revisited? Or will Amma finally achieve her dream of becoming PM? Your guess is as good as mine. Or will there be a hung parliament leading to strange allies – the same people who abused each other before the elections. Imagine NDA and BJD combining / NDA and AIADMK joining forces or UPA, AAP and small regional parties coming together to defeat their common enemy – NDA.

Anticipation of the future is sometimes as good as the experience of the result unfolding right in front of you! That’s what May 16th 2014 is all about. The obvious results of certain political biggies winning their constituency coupled with shocks of some heavyweights losing out will make the whole experience worth it. The news channels have increased the expectation of millions of voters into overdrive. Exit Polls are the new norm today. News channels have had their own tie-ups with exit poll agencies and have churned out and analyzed the data and formed their own governments with hypothetical allies. Thanks to the exit polls, the news channels might have achieved their yearly revenue targets in a week’s time. The ad rates have also gone up this week. Though exit poll results cannot be taken at face value, a common trend shows  NDA closest to attain majority and form the government. It also shows Congress will fall to one of its lowest numbers (close to 100) and AAP missing the bus to play the king-maker at the center thereby losing both Delhi and the center. NDA, as expected, have already started the process of government formation. Congress has categorically denied the results of the exit polls citing past failures.

There are 2 things we need from this result – a strong government and an equally strong but constructive opposition. That’s what we didn’t have post 2009. The Government (UPA) appeared too arrogant after winning handsomely in 2009 (which I feel, in hindsight, led to their downfall along with corruption and lack of decision-making). The opposition (NDA) were only interested in disrupting both the houses of Parliament and thereby applying speed-brakes to the already diminishing growth of the country. None of them handled their responsibilities properly. And hence, we crawled and crawled for 5 years. This time the parties / alliance forming the Government and the opposition parties in the house need to pull up their socks to ensure the country doesn’t suffer because of their infighting. We’ve had enough. Not anymore.

By the time you read this, the results may well be out and elation / anguish might have overpowered you!

Whoever wins, here’s hoping for a better, prosperous and a safer future. Jai Hind.

Route to Happiness

"Happiness is ideally what we yearn for. Happiness is practically what we earn for." - Me!

I can't believe I came up with the line above. 

I won't be farther from the truth if I say I need happiness and that too eternal. And am sure everyone reading this will agree. And there's no ambiguity either. Normally, when we are confused with multiple options, we make decision that may not be right in the long term. Like career v/s marriage, or career v/s having a child, or family time v/s time for passion or even black forest v/s walnut brownie. These are like cross-roads – you make a choice & move on and the rejected option may not return ever again (apart from the ice cream, of course). These are the considerations we have to make whose outcome will define the future we will witness.

And what’s the future we are looking for? Anything that has happiness at its core, isn’t it? We chose various means to attain happiness but seldom reach the desired destination. Money is one such means. Many of my relatives and colleagues feel they lost out on opportunities just to ensure they children have a safe and secure future. We Indians are habituated to this, aren’t we? Our parents have going through the same thing and we will go through when we reach this stage – despite knowing what we are losing out on. 

One of my friends father shared his experience with me – He said he went abroad to make money and left his family (wife and 2 kids) back in India. He used to transfer money regularly. This went for more than 2 decades. One fine day he left everything and came back home. He felt he had saved enough. When we came back, his kids were already in their twenties and were closer to getting married. He said he missed his kids a lot. He missed their growing up days, a walk in the park, playing with them, attending school events – everything. He wasn’t enjoying either. He sacrificed a lot of his pleasures to save for his family. There are moments when he felt he should come back, but the need to save more forced him to stay back. Yes, his family is now well-to-do and are secure financially, but at what cost? He advised me to take my family along if I happen to get an overseas assignment and to be a little bit more selfish than most Indian dads who are primarily concerned about a financially secure future.

Isn’t this the story of almost all Indians working abroad while feeding their families back home by transferring money?

Most of us are on a mission to seek happiness, but appear to be on a wrong path. We know it’s wrong but we are somewhat forced to traverse this path hoping to seek happiness through more money. Or maybe it’s the need to earn more money and later on redirect my route towards happiness. I don't really know. 

Life is too short to learn from our own mistakes. Maybe we need to learn from the mistakes and experiences of people around us. But then, experience is also like a comb that life gives you when you are bald!