Monday, December 10, 2012

Some funny status messages (Part 2)

And I have finally found the 'mega file' of status messages I collected / prepared. I won't utilize more of your time explaining anything. This is the 2nd and the last part of the series. The first part can be found here.
Kind courtesy: Me

  • I frankly felt that the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality. - George W. Bush
  • How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on
  • What a "Phelps"ating and "Nadal"icious Olympics we are having !!! (during the Olympics)
  • An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be
  • The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.
  • Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. (This is my favorite one-liner)
  • 80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn’t read. (Apt one-liner during exams)
  • One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she’ll tell anything.
  • Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
  • I dont drive fast.... I fly slowly
  • The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late. 
  • If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? 
  • Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? 
  • If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW! 
  • Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
  • A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"
  • Mankind faces a crossroad. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to extinction. Let us pray we choose correctly.
  • According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
  • It's a recession when you neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
  • I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.
  • A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.'
  • People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
  • If I save time, when do I get it back? 
  • War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who is left.
  • My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
  • I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
  • If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News as "candle making industry threatened".
  • Sometimes, trust is similar to touching fire and hoping that your hand won't burn...
  • Conversation is when three women are standing in the corner and talking. Gossip is when one has left.
  • A process which led from the amoeba to man appeared to philosophers to be obviously progress -- though whether the amoeba would agree with this opinion is not known..
  • Modesty is the only good quality I don't have
  • Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
  • You can't be late until you show up.
  • Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
  • Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them. 
  • You learn a lot in your teenage years, for instance I learned that if you're ever being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a little tunnel, then onto a mini seesaw and then jump through a ring of fire, they've trained for that you see. 
  • The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right." 
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things..
  • Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage
  • Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again 
  • If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
  • Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. - John F. Kennedy
  • How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans. 
  • Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.. 

Disclaimer: As I had mentioned before, some are inspirations (Read: copied from the net many years back), some are genuinely mine (I don't remember which ones) and some are mixed.

8 comments:

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  3. Something bizarre happened to the comments on some of my posts. My apologies.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Something bizarre happened to the comments on some of my posts. My apologies.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain." this is gonna get on my fb soon :)

    ReplyDelete

All yours..

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